My sleeping rant...

If you whine about your dinner not being made well at a restaurant on your facebook...do you see people comment about how you should have had a completely different meal, at a completely different restaurant, because, it was better when they ate there?

 I.e. "Ugh, I went to Carrabba's and had a pasta dish that was only ok...I wish I had chosen a different sauce...oh well"

Commenter:  "Well, I went to Wendy's and had a delicious baconator...you should try that instead!  Trust me, it is way better."

Would that be odd?

Or how about..

2nd Commenter:  " Well, I don't know about that sauce, but I went to my local Japanese place and got hibachi, and it was the best thing I ever ate...won't eat anywhere else ever again...you should too...it'll change your life"         ....

Well people, I'm here to say, I've been eating the "wrong sauce" for 3.5 years...I haven't slept "well" in 3.5 years.  My children do.not.sleep.

Things I've tried: a variety of essential oils, epsom salt baths, magnesium oil, vitamins, probiotics, no sugar at all during the day, lights out super early, a super dark room, a night light, lights on, a noise machine, sleepy rubs, back rubs, singing songs, reading books, a gentler cry-it-out, nurse to sleep, chiropractic care, rocking to sleep, a crib, co-sleeping, blankets, no blankets, music, no music, praying over the house, over the room, over the child, over myself....I hope you are getting the picture...I have tried EVERY SINGLE THING.

I've spent nearly 4 years of sleepless nights researching the heck out of why my children don't sleep...do you think I'm just sitting here, exhausted to the point of tears, spending all my spare cents (literally, the last cents I have to my name) on another shot of espresso in my coffee just to survive my day...because I'm too lazy to try other options to make my kids sleep?!  Do you REALLY think that lowly of me, that I haven't tried all manner of things, in the last THREE AND A HALF FREAKING YEARS, and haven't researched worth a darn, to figure out why my kids don't sleep!?  I'm just sitting here, in tears, just thinking "why don't they sleep?  Oh well....guess I'll just go about my day, even though my body can barely function....even though my mind doesn't work, and I can't form complete sentences by 10 pm...oh well."

My face...literally...today...as I write this...

That's what it sounds like...every time you offer advice like "my kids slept great...we had a rhythm to our day...weird your's don't sleep good"  - this sounds like "why can't you get your act together....maybe if you weren't a hot mess all the time, your kids would sleep better!"

"have you tried bath?  Bath's make babies sleep better!"  Really...novel idea...yes, we've tried...a freaking bath.  Believe it or not, I've bathed my kids more than once, and they only sleep worse for it.

"have you let them cry it out...that always works!"  Yes, it works if you have a child that doesn't have the energizer battery in them...with the stubbornness of a viking warrior(we are legit descendants of the Vikings in the show, Vikings)..."cry-it out" in our home meant, not even kidding, 4 hours of screaming, at the top of their lungs, to the point of physical exhaustion...I dunno about you, but that isn't "getting them to sleep..."  that is torturing them to the point of passing out.

We've tried playing with them so long and hard, they are "tired" and fall asleep...guess what...they didn't.  We were exhausted, they were exhausted and cranky...and didn't sleep.

We've tried every manner of things to get them to sleep...

They don't.

Trust us...we've spent basically four years NOT SLEEPING and not for lack of trying...

I understand you are trying to help...please stop.  This isn't a dinner that didn't go well, this is our LIFE...EVERY....SINGLE....exhausting hour of it...IF Samuel naps, it is when Emilia isn't napping...if she naps, he's up.  I promise...I've tried everything to get them to nap at the same time, it doesn't work...

I'm not sitting back, kicking up my heels, just letting 'nature take its course'...

I'm freaking tired.  I'm so spent - I've already cried while typing this.  Samuel is actually sleeping, and Emilia is bouncing away in her jumper.

BOTH of my children hit milestones way and above the "norm" as listed by the CDC.  They are active, overly intelligent kids.  They don't sleep.  Period.  Please stop asking why they "should" be sleeping a certain way.

Samuel eats way better and more varied diet than an average 3 year old...if you told me your five year old ate only chicken nuggets and only cheerios and I commented back "hmm, that's weird, your child SHOULD eat chicken vindaloo and pad thai...mine does!  Worked for me!"

Maybe I do that...maybe I'm overly into giving advice...if I've done that ....I'm so sorry...

I'm so so so TIRED of people telling me how my kids "SHOULD" sleep, or what "NORMAL" sleep is....

Let me remind you...I haven't slept in about 4 years....I'm a hair's breadth away from losing my mind...

I work a fairly physical and stressful job - feeding hundreds of people.

I make elderberry syrup for a multitude of friends...

I also cater event in addition to making homemade, from scratch meals for my family most days..

I cloth diaper, and exclusively breastfeed, a 16 pound infant.

I'm not looking for ways to not sleep, people.  I've done it all, tried it all, nothing has worked...

Please excuse me while I continue to cry from sheer exhaustion...and stop offering me sleep advice...I'm glad your mom skills are at level "excellent", while mine are obviously "beginner"...I'm doing my freaking best and it obviously isn't working...thanks for pointing that in my bloodshot eye...

The end.
Becca