This is not a pleasant post to read...it was written in a "diary" fashion...you were warned...
Oh my German-Scottish mother...she was always saying cute, annoying little colloquies..."don't get your hopes up", "don't put all your eggs in one basket", "don't tease your sister", "share your toys", "gargle this vinegar", "drink this willow bark extract"....you know, the usual...
Unfortunately, I would normally listen to the end statements, sometimes obey the middle ones...and rarely ever listen to the first ones...I can still hear my mom's tone of voice saying those words...but I still don't take them as seriously as I should...
Many of you know, Daniel and I put an offer on a house after being pre-qualified for a mortgage. The seller counter-offered, and we accepted! Oi! Did I get excited or WHAT?! This house is just what I've always wanted....down to weird details like a window in the master shower...a fire place....nice screened porch...plenty of room for chickens, game nights, kids, etc... I started contacting chicken coop makers, thinking about colors for the rooms, and how we would arrange our furniture...finally, we would be out of our super tiny, old, crappy apartment...
Well, I got my hopes up, put all my eggs in the basket, daydreamed much too much..... and when we contacted our lender, she asked about the W-2 for Daniel's courthouse job....well, he doesn't get a W-2...technically, he's a self employed contractor...and everything stopped....the lender apologized for not catching this sooner and that's the end...no more house, unless there's a different job...and certainly the house I fell in love with would definitely not be on the market if or when that "new job" day comes...we had to fight for it as it was...
My dad and many others said "well, God has a better house for you then...just be patient...God wants to give you the desires of your heart"...well, patience has never been my strongest virtue...God's plan isn't America's "ideal" for us....house, kids, car...but most of my friends have all those things, and we don't....well, we have a car that I am supremely thankful for! The desires of my heart may not be what God wants for me...I need to come to grips with that...and I'm not coping well with it. Most of the people who are trying to comfort me are sitting in their houses or holding their babies(or BOTH)....they don't understand the pain of not being able to have either the house or the baby and the end is NOT in sight...unless I see some seriously expensive doctors and Daniel gets a new job out of nowhere, we are stuck in this stage of life...wasting money on rent and crying everytime I see new ultrasounds of all my friends' babies.
Both house and kids really have been blacked out for us right now for unknown reasons...we thought us both having full time jobs, Daniel's good credit, the pre-qual, etc. the house could at least be part of our dream...but that's obviously not God's plan for our lives...People keep saying to "stay strong" "It'll happen, just need to wait..." But honestly, isn't that causing me to get my hopes up more and be more impatient?! Those "helpful" words are just putting useless thoughts in my head and stirring discontent in my heart even more!
So I immediately started looking up houses for rent...and found a ton of super expensive houses that we couldn't afford...and a bunch of super cheap ones in really bad neighborhoods...and a bunch of other ones that just aren't good options for us. Another dead end...MAYBE one will pop up soon, but not soon enough in my opinion...
So in the end...this is a letter for prayer...and comfort...having this big part of our dream as a couple ended for no obvious reason is so frustrating...when I found out that we would not get the house, I just wanted to weep...but I was in the lunch room in front of a bunch of clerks...and I have a long drive home...so tears will have to wait...today, was just more than I wanted to take...
"don't get your hopes up"....wish I listened better....
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Obedience? WHAT?! I have to OBEY!? *stomps feet*
It pains me to write parts of this...and I get much joy from other parts...
I have felt called towards obedience in a few areas in my life that I would like to share with you.
Obedience...
So often in America, I feel that the Christian has a pretty easy task at "obedience". Don't drink and drive, don't steal, don't kill anyone, listen to the Christian radio station, and keep your social media page "clean". Don't watch certain shows, don't see certain movies, don't smoke and take walks with your spouse/family...that's obeying God right? RIGHT!?
Recently, the Lord has tugged on my heart in a few ways...this is PERSONAL, not legalistic, judgemental, or martyristic.
I will not be opening the cafe. It has nothing to do with laziness or lack of desire...Daniel and I have prayed through this heavily. I feel the need to be a wife, (hopefully mother), ministering woman in my church, and homemaker...all of those things would be extremely difficult within the confines of the building that I would be working in with the obligations of running my own small business. I would literally be pulling 14hour days, 6 days a week...preventing me from ministering in church, being a devoted wife, bearing children, and certainly no time for "homemaking"(I want a garden, chickens, and an apiary...let alone the homemade stuff I love doing-cooking, working out, concocting new homemade products, etc.). I still want to get a license to cook for people, cater, and run a small(very small) part time business doing that...because I do love that...and would like to solely do that as work at some point.
The reasons I decided against the cafe are many....and you may ask me why via message if you are curious, I just don't want to disclose all things on a blog :-P.
Why do I feel that this is an act of obedience towards the Lord? - Answer: I feel the need to be a wife and mother(hopefully) more than a career woman. I also feel the need to provide SOME money for this marriage. Opening the cafe, I may not get a paycheck for quite a while, yet, work all the time. I feel that I would neglect everything that is important to me(except food(. Also, I have a health problem that is most likely directly related to the amount of stress in my life...opening my own cafe would NOT help that issue, but only make it substantially worse. I do not feel that the Lord wants me to go in the direction of "career woman" and forsake all the other things I'm a part of.
I have been offered a full time position at the court house, so that is what I will be doing for employment for the indefinite future. The Lord totally put that option in my hands recently and I believe that is the correct direction for my life.
A question I have gotten lately...."What's that thingy on your head?" or some version of that question. I have crocheted myself a head covering. Most of my life-long or at least long-time friends know that I worked with Amish and Mennonites and really enjoyed that culture. Also, after going to Romania, I enjoyed the representation of married women wearing head coverings in church...in BAPTIST churches, Assembly of God churches, AND Orthodox Romanian churches....now I understand their "culture is different"...but I appreciate that culture and have studied the main passage in First Corinthians 11 on head coverings and truly feel this is a point of obedience for my life and marriage...again, if you have questions, points of judgement, or comments-email or fb message me...I would request that the public comments be respectful and PRIVATE if they are NOT going to be respectful.(you may have a difference of opinion, and that's totally fine, but please don't insult me...I don't take public humiliation well:-P ) This is totally a Spirit-led calling for me and my joy and privilege to wear my covering. Ryrie describes the head covering as a theological symbol...and indeed, it is. I highly encourage you do research this passage...it is very interesting. ...."1 Corinthians 11:5 but every wife[b] who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head"...(ESV)
I also feel called towards helping people get healthy. If you don't follow my facebook page even a little, you know I'm often posting articles, pictures, and information about food, nutrition, and health overall. I want to officially get my coaching certificate to get paid to do this! I LOVE helping people get healthy and the segway that leads to ministering not just physically to help people, but spiritually. I fear I would not be able to do the cafe AND so some schooling too! Another reason I chose NOT to open the cafe. I definitely believe that God cares what we eat and how we live our lifes...and health is part of that...otherwise, God would NOT have placed such strict standards (yes, some of them were for ancient health because of sanitaion), but those "dietary laws" are still revered as one of the healthiest diets in the world!
My security is NOT in my food and exercise, but in Jesus...but certainly educating myself and trying to eat and live healthy helps me stay as healthy as possible(on my end of responsibility anyways)!
I hope you see my heart on these issues and pray with me and Daniel through them....giving up the cafe idea was(and is) so hard for me! A point of pride, and now humility. Obeying isn't always easy, doesn't always make sense, and isn't always logical...but we are commanded to "obey the voice of the Lord". So that's what I'm trying to do....
Obeying with a smile,
Becca
I have felt called towards obedience in a few areas in my life that I would like to share with you.
Obedience...
So often in America, I feel that the Christian has a pretty easy task at "obedience". Don't drink and drive, don't steal, don't kill anyone, listen to the Christian radio station, and keep your social media page "clean". Don't watch certain shows, don't see certain movies, don't smoke and take walks with your spouse/family...that's obeying God right? RIGHT!?
Recently, the Lord has tugged on my heart in a few ways...this is PERSONAL, not legalistic, judgemental, or martyristic.
I will not be opening the cafe. It has nothing to do with laziness or lack of desire...Daniel and I have prayed through this heavily. I feel the need to be a wife, (hopefully mother), ministering woman in my church, and homemaker...all of those things would be extremely difficult within the confines of the building that I would be working in with the obligations of running my own small business. I would literally be pulling 14hour days, 6 days a week...preventing me from ministering in church, being a devoted wife, bearing children, and certainly no time for "homemaking"(I want a garden, chickens, and an apiary...let alone the homemade stuff I love doing-cooking, working out, concocting new homemade products, etc.). I still want to get a license to cook for people, cater, and run a small(very small) part time business doing that...because I do love that...and would like to solely do that as work at some point.
The reasons I decided against the cafe are many....and you may ask me why via message if you are curious, I just don't want to disclose all things on a blog :-P.
Why do I feel that this is an act of obedience towards the Lord? - Answer: I feel the need to be a wife and mother(hopefully) more than a career woman. I also feel the need to provide SOME money for this marriage. Opening the cafe, I may not get a paycheck for quite a while, yet, work all the time. I feel that I would neglect everything that is important to me(except food(. Also, I have a health problem that is most likely directly related to the amount of stress in my life...opening my own cafe would NOT help that issue, but only make it substantially worse. I do not feel that the Lord wants me to go in the direction of "career woman" and forsake all the other things I'm a part of.
I have been offered a full time position at the court house, so that is what I will be doing for employment for the indefinite future. The Lord totally put that option in my hands recently and I believe that is the correct direction for my life.
A question I have gotten lately...."What's that thingy on your head?" or some version of that question. I have crocheted myself a head covering. Most of my life-long or at least long-time friends know that I worked with Amish and Mennonites and really enjoyed that culture. Also, after going to Romania, I enjoyed the representation of married women wearing head coverings in church...in BAPTIST churches, Assembly of God churches, AND Orthodox Romanian churches....now I understand their "culture is different"...but I appreciate that culture and have studied the main passage in First Corinthians 11 on head coverings and truly feel this is a point of obedience for my life and marriage...again, if you have questions, points of judgement, or comments-email or fb message me...I would request that the public comments be respectful and PRIVATE if they are NOT going to be respectful.(you may have a difference of opinion, and that's totally fine, but please don't insult me...I don't take public humiliation well:-P ) This is totally a Spirit-led calling for me and my joy and privilege to wear my covering. Ryrie describes the head covering as a theological symbol...and indeed, it is. I highly encourage you do research this passage...it is very interesting. ...."1 Corinthians 11:5 but every wife[b] who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head"...(ESV)
I also feel called towards helping people get healthy. If you don't follow my facebook page even a little, you know I'm often posting articles, pictures, and information about food, nutrition, and health overall. I want to officially get my coaching certificate to get paid to do this! I LOVE helping people get healthy and the segway that leads to ministering not just physically to help people, but spiritually. I fear I would not be able to do the cafe AND so some schooling too! Another reason I chose NOT to open the cafe. I definitely believe that God cares what we eat and how we live our lifes...and health is part of that...otherwise, God would NOT have placed such strict standards (yes, some of them were for ancient health because of sanitaion), but those "dietary laws" are still revered as one of the healthiest diets in the world!
My security is NOT in my food and exercise, but in Jesus...but certainly educating myself and trying to eat and live healthy helps me stay as healthy as possible(on my end of responsibility anyways)!
I hope you see my heart on these issues and pray with me and Daniel through them....giving up the cafe idea was(and is) so hard for me! A point of pride, and now humility. Obeying isn't always easy, doesn't always make sense, and isn't always logical...but we are commanded to "obey the voice of the Lord". So that's what I'm trying to do....
Obeying with a smile,
Becca
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)