Trumplican Christians - yes, I'm calling you out.

This is not to talk to the Christians who say, "I like Trump I guess, he is good enough...Clinton would have been a worse choice"...This is talking to the Christians, who - hook-line-and-sinker, adore the man.  Yes, there's a lot of you - many of whom are friends and family that I respect and love.  You justify his every action, you say he is "kind of a jerk, but that's okay, he is getting the job done!"  Literally, the man can do no actual wrong in your eyes - and it's okay....I'm talking to you.

Disclaimer: because I feel as though I will be personally attacked, please get one thing straight: I do not expect perfect Christianity.  I am FAR from perfect in all areas of my life, I wouldn't want to be president, and I don't think I could "do better", etc.  This isn't about me, this isn't about you, this is about examining the Bible and the undying support of the evangelical community for a man who is far from ideal.

God gave us the Bible - you believe it right?  He gave us MANY lists of what to look for in leaders, as well as many examples of good leaders.
Deuteronomy 17:14-20 has a list about what to look for in a king, obviously, some are not applicable...but bear with me.

1) Not a foreigner (Israelite - both in genetics and religion)

2) Not acquire lots of horses - or return to Egypt to get them. (Building up a great military?)

3) Must not take many wives

4) Must not accumulate lots of wealth - silver and gold.

5) Reads the Law(Bible) regularly so as to carefully follow God's ways and not manipulate them.

6) Must not consider himself better than his fellow people - humility.

For 1) - He isn't a Christian, doesn't attend any church regularly, or do anything resembling Christian behavior.  One of the key parts of becoming a Christian is asking God for forgiveness - Trump claims he has not.  The woman that "led Trump to Christ" - Paula White - is a known heretic among conservative Christian communities.  Please take a moment to pause and think about your faith in Trump's faith...  Another key passage(Galatians 5) to keep in mind, is the Fruit of the Spirit - "is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control;"  And prior to that specific verse is the Works of the Flesh passage - "sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these."  Please tell me, Devoted One, which of these two descriptions suits him?  Please.  Look into yourself and into his actual actions - forget all the anti-mainstream, Clinton/Obama hatred...and actually read his Twitter, watch how he treats people in press conferences, watch what he has bragged about and his ACTIONS...and tell me, which profile does he fit?  The fruit or the works?

 2) Building up military - Trump has spent more on the military than any president before him.  And if you want to say "buht ma guns!" As a Christian, you should know full well that our safety rests in Christ alone 
Ps 27:1 - "The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?"
and the Bible says "do not fear" roughly 365 times...

3) One wife - this is such a tough one - Trump has had 3 wives and multiple affairs, bragged about "grabbing pu$$y", and a variety of other foul, sexually illicit issues.  Please do not think for a moment, that a man who cannot be faithful to a wife, will suddenly be faithful to the American people, the Constitution, or any other of his exploits...This was a struggle of King David and King Solomon and was ultimately their undoing and the downfall of their country!

4) Silver and Gold - He's a billionaire.  I think that says enough about his wealth accumulation.  He is not "one of us" and has zero grasp on reality for the average person, also grew up as the son of a millionaire who commited tax fraud for him, and D. Trump used kids cancer money for his children...and he misused campaign money to pay business debts...You said you wanted a business man...you got one.

5)  To our knowledge, there is no record of Trump reading the Bible, cannot quote a Bible verse, and in his recent photo op outside St. John's, he was asked if he was holding his Bible, he said it is "A Bible"...  If we go by the most limited view of God's laws - the 10 Commandments, let's see how he compares:
  A. No other gods  - we know God is not his God...who is?  probably himself? or the many dictators he has praised.
 
  B. Shall not make idols...this isn't super culturally appropriate, but I'd say few things he values more than Trump Tower...
 
C. Shall not take the Lord's name in vain - He has done it casually with political leaders, I'm sure it wasn't the first time...

  D. Keep the Sabbath Holy - We already discussed he doesn't go to church or live a Christian lifestyle...

  E. Honor parents - We know he thought highly of his father, but he has almost nothing to say about his mother.

  F. Shall not murder - Obviously, there's no way to know if he has or hasn't murdered anyone...but under his presidency, his civilian casualties are extremely high...and has not stopped Roe V. Wade as he promised he would do...He hasn't stopped any kind of funding to Planned Parenthood either, as he has said in his speeches, but continues to sign budgets fully funding them.
 G. Shall not commit adultery (see point 3) above)
  H. Shall not steal (see point 4) above)
  I. Shall not bear false witness against a neighbor - Even as recently this week, he bore false witness against General Mattis...

He loves people one minute, and hates them the next...Early in his administration, he even claimed that you needed ID to buy groceries, Sarah Sanders stood by that lie in front of the nation in a press conference as well....Something you and I do, every week or more, evidently, we've done it wrong all this time, never needing ID to do it...he also claimed he would share his taxes if he got elected, and has yet to do so 3.5 years later, and says they are too complicated for us to understand...
 
J. Shall not covet - you do your own research here...it is extremely clear to me that he is materialistic in nature, as well as self-serving....coveting is a matter of the heart-and we do not know his heart, but it isn't a stretch to assume it is a part of his nature - as it is of everyone's...I know it is something I struggle to keep in check.  

Pvbs 16:18 "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."

6) and this is my biggest qualm...humility.  He is far from humble.  He praises himself left and right for literally everything from handling the corona virus perfectly, to being a smarter than everyone, to knowing more about ISIS than the generals (while having never served in the military ever)...and the list goes on and on of his MANY areas he simply is more, better, smarter than everyone else...

As an aside, there are other areas Christians should be taking care of things, specifically the environment.  Here's dozens of Bible verses pointing to the FACT we should be taking care of the environment.  We obviously cannot do this to perfection...as I type this on my plastic computer using my fluorescent lighting in my kitchen...but we can certainly make strides.  Here's a few instances where Trump has literally lessened major pollution/environmental restrictions through his policy.
-He picked an ex-coal lobbyist to be head of the EPA.
-Everything from the keystone pipeline to oil drilling to his selection of people in high places.
-He lifted VERY important restrictions on commercial fishing in New England.
-Even if you agree with GMO's, I think we all agree they should stay out of state wildlife refuges, except Trump does not.
-5g is hotly debated around the world at the moment - I stand in the category of "probably needs more testing before the entire nation gets involuntarily tested"...Trump protected 5g.
-Allows for more water pollution
100 ways he is rolling back environmental protections
and I'm sure you are capable of finding plenty more areas where he is not protecting our land or ultimately our health.  Yes, yes I know many countries have worse policies...should we not lead by example?  Should we just not even bother, cause India/China is worse?  The Bible commands us to be better than that.
All this to say...what's the point Becca?  He is already in office and I cannot in good conscience vote for Biden...
Perhaps take off the rose colored glasses and start looking at him a bit more objectively.   Do more research past Rush and Glen...Maybe talk to your friends that don't hold him in such high accord...
Consider voting third party even though they "have no chance at winning".  Jo Jorgensen is the Libertarian candidate...I think back to when David cut Saul's robe - he could have killed him and basically saved his own life.  Instead, he did the right thing - he left the killing to the Lord, and knew he would suffer those consequences.  I want to do the right thing, even if the consequences are less than ideal...this is part of my faith that God is going to work it out...I think both top runners are senile dinosaurs with major issues and non-viable choices...and I think if the evangelicals would actually stand for the right thing, we'd see big changes in our government and our country.

Start being honest, Christian.  God told us what to look for, how to have faith...let's start doing that...

Becca




 

"You're making a difference!"

"You're making a difference!  Please don't ever stop doing this!" she earnestly said as she walked to her car under the street light...

I stood there, on my side walk, and replied, "Well, I have to now ;)" ...the crickets chirped, she pulled out of the driveway to head home...

You see, I run a small business out of my home.  I have been doing this since 2014 -  I have learned a LOT over the years, especially the last year...but one thing rang true...this is my calling. 

I have been a chef at my church - their food service director - for nearly 5 years.  In the last several months, my home business - that has been steadily growing for years now - has grown exponentially in the last few months.  I work before sun up to long after sundown - cooking food at the church, or brewing/prepping elderberry.  it's been such a big blessing - my kids got their many kinds of checkups, groceries, fun trips, we got a small vacation, etc...all because of my little home business. 

Feeling tugged in two directions for some time now, it became evident I needed to pick a path.....I couldn't continue to walk two paths in an evermore uncomfortable straddle...Something was going to break...my mental or physical state most likely....

Which leads me to where I am now...After Spring Break, my five year anniversary, March 18 - First Baptist Church will have a new food service director, and I'll be officially my own boss - completely self employed.  I'll still try to be around WNS as much as I can be, Lord willing.  But my current schedule as it is right now is completely unmanageable for me. 

I have loved my job there...By God's grace, I took Wednesday Night Suppers that were barely over 100 people, and made them into a huge event: over 350 people on a regular basis.  They include a full amazing salad bar, 6 homemade delicious dressings, and my guests know they can count on a from-scratch dinner with all the fixings...and not leave hungry.  It has broadened and stretched me as a person, my skills as a chef have grown tremendously...it's been a privilege to work there and be their chef.  I've loved almost every minute of it...but something has to give...

I need to condense my life a lot...like, a LOT...those of you who know me more intimately know how stressed and overwhelmed I've been lately...Every minute is booked in my week...so I've opened up a few minutes now.  I'm trying not to fill them immediately :P  I purchased a berry press for my business, as well as a new fridge...trying to make life a little more fun and a little less constant work. 

Please pray for me as I transition out of WNS and for their new chef, whomever that may be.  Pray for my home business that is continues to thrive and I can hire on someone to help me a day or two a week.  Pray for my family as we all adjust to new roles and identity shifts...Pray that if it be prudent, we are able to get a location for a small herbal shop or a house that better suits our needs...I'm quickly outgrowing out cute little home and desperately need more space to store supplies, herbs, etc. 

I know I need to keep doing this...I know it is making a difference, and I'm not going to stop.  I'm fully embracing all that it is, and going to pursue becoming a professional herbalist. It'll take me years, no doubt...but it's coming for me, like it or not.  I covet all of your prayers and happy thoughts

To my WNS guests - thank you for filling a place in my heart I didn't know was empty...truly a blessing, each one of you...

To my None of Your Beeswax clients - thank you for sticking through with every little bump in the road, and the bumps to come...you guys are awesome and encourage me daily and what an honor to be included in your family in this way.  Thank YOU!

Onward to new adventures,
Becca H.

Closing the chapter in the lifetime book of Grief...

Laban's birthday story a year ago - Surrounded in Love

This post is 2-fold...I wrote the first part when we got home from sprinkling my son's ashes...I wrote the last part on his 1st birthday.  At the end, I'll include pictures of my sweet, still born baby - Laban Joel.

January 2019:
What to do with "the baby's body?"  We were faced with this question, long before I was actually in labor with Laban..."we'll give you a list of funeral homes...do we need to call a pastor for you?  You can do a funeral, or not, or a small memorial, or not...creamated?  Buried?  You can leave him here and we will just dispose of the body..."  The words trailed off...it was like a mag-truck hit us...  I just wanted to yell at them...I knew the baby was gone...but did we have to talk about these decisions before "it" was even OUT of MY body?!  "It" didn't even have a name yet, or a birth day, or a weight...but we were faced with many questions and decisions from the hospital staff...a list of funeral homes was provided late that evening...how could we even call them???  We had just found out mere hours ago that our baby was dead!  *My inner voice choked up*...I can't call...my husband is in no frame of mind...maybe my mom can...

We did end up tasking my mom with finding a funeral home that would cremate the baby for free.  Cremation costs are much less than traditional casket options, but still quite costly, but some funeral homes are so broken for our situation, that they offer the services free - and we are so thankful.  My mom had to go to great lengths, for Laban's body...we filled out all the appropriate paper work, talked to all the right people, but day after day passed, and we hadn't heard from anyone...I texted my mom..."Hey, did the funeral home get Laban's body?  We haven't heard anything...I'm terrified he's sitting in the fridge like last week's leftovers!"  My mind and heart were racing...he needed to be cremated...why was there no communication...my mom ended up making a huge amount of calls between funeral home and hospital...and somehow, the paperwork we had filled out and signed never made it where it should have...and he was "stuck" at the pathology lab...never made it to the morgue....finally, he ended up at the funeral home, after my mother marched herself to the hospital to oversee everything that needed to happen.

The funeral home, Ammens (highly recommend!) was very kind...Joye was the director who spoke with us...very gentle, but cut to the chase...she suggested us cremating Laban with a dozen roses and that lots of clients do that option...I knew Laban's remains would be minimal...weighing in at 6.3 oz WITH fluids...so I opted for it...I love flowers...especially roses, as that was my grandmother's name, and my middle name.  So he was cremated with a dozen white roses - a cost of $48 dollars, they reduced to $24 - because of their infant policies which include certain things 50% off.  We  hadn't selected an urn...it seemed too...deathly?  I looked up how big a box or vase needed to be for premie deaths...believe it or not, there's a calculation for poundage to cubic inches...1 pound of weight = 1 cubic inch of ashes.    He was less than a pound, but I think they were including his placenta and the blanket that held him, so it might be 2 or 3 pounds total.  I found this trinket box on amazon...and it seemed perfect for the occasion.  They shipped fairly fast as well, and worked perfectly for our needs, without being too expensive either.  There's a charity that does this also that you can donate to, or ask for a casket from.  Their hearts, too, have been broken from infant loss.  The Audrey and McKenna Foundation - that is a link to their facebook page.

Once the box arrived, we needed to take it to the funeral home to get 'filled'...thankfully, they kept the cremains in a little bag that was zip-tied. Daniel kept the kids home while I went...it was a sad drive there...and awful drive home...and I just wept on and off...

We decided we would go that Saturday - Jan 19 (3 weeks post partum) to Mead Gardens - where Daniel and I were married 7 years ago - and put his cremains in the creek there.  We wanted him to be sprinkled somewhere special to us, but not somewhere we will drive by often and remember frequently.

Dec 2019 insert: there were moments of healing I never expected...in my herbalism class, we sang a song from Native American traditions that referenced always being mother and flowing to the sea...it is something I cried through, every class that we sang it. Overall, that whole class was extremely healing for me as a person...A highlight of 2019.

Back to January 2019:
We finally got there...the place was PACKED...evidently, the camellia show was happening that day...we've never seen the parking lot so jammed...it was so nice to see all the improvements done to the gardens though...the boardwalk repaired, new buildings and a new amphitheater..but the old one we were married at was still there...and the creek I remembered so fondly was still just as picturesque.  It was roughly 1:30...sunny, and not too warm...very much like our wedding day...  We prayed with the kids, thanked God for Laban's life, and I sprinkled him into the creek...and washed him gently wash away...

Daniel was eager to leave, but I had wanted to stay...but lunch and hungry tummies awaited, so leave we did.  I drove...I don't know why I thought that was a good idea...as I drove, I was crying "I can't help but feel I killed him somehow...was I too stressed?  Did I not take enough vitamins?!  He was such a good baby - didn't make me as tired as Samuel and not as sick as Emilia...his sweet soft kicks....he looked so much like Samuel..beautiful." and I just cried (thankfully, I didn't have to drive too far)...I heard Samuel crying gently in the backseat - first time we've seen him mourn at all...we talked to him about it...he's just now starting to feel the weight of his baby brother is gone, not coming back, and Mama and Daddy are so so sad...

It was important to me to get it done TODAY...I go back to work Sunday(tomorrow)...and I need that question done...that question that people always bring up - "what are you going to do with him?"  I didn't want it open ended, or unsure, or unfinished...I wanted this chapter closed...I wanted him laid to rest, as best as I could...I am a mum...we want our babies at peace...just because he isn't living, and I know his soul is at peace, doesn't mean I care nothing for his body...I expected weeping as I sprinkled him...but honestly, it was relief...I couldn't dwell on what to do with him anymore...no more "when", or "how" to float around...it's super done.  It was beautiful and lovely - as much as possible...and complete.

I have compiled a photo album of all of my kids through these last few weeks...the ones I took right after Laban was born, the ones Jennifer (our family photographer) took later that day, and some of the kids as we had my maternity leave off.  Be warned, Laban is a premie baby...extremely premie whose body was already starting to deteriorate before being delivered...but if you want to see it, it's available to you(bottom of this post).  People need to know...other mums who go through this need to know what to expect.  His skin was like tissue paper - so fragile....his bones were soft, but I could see muscle tone, foot and finger prints, a beautiful face like his brother, and the remnants of what would have been, the sweetest soul.

Born to Jesus...

We all miss you all the more, Laban....as the days pass, and the nights fade to mornings...oh my heart yearns to feel you kick...to know you'll be in my arms, fat and cooing with a giant grin, and to know that is a dream to be fulfilled by Heaven...the ache remains...

I close this chapter in this book...this chapter of dealing with "the body"...the heartbroken shell of a mum is still here....I'll grieve him for my lifetime...if you see me and think I don't look sad, or I look strong...know, it is just a facade...the pain is literally unbearable and the facade is easier to deal with....so life trudges on...

With sleeplessness and tears,Becca H.

To present: December 2019...his 1 year old birthday...
    I finally started sleeping maybe 2 or 3 months post-partum...the trauma of what happened lingered so long, as did the bleeding - longer than my live births and it fluctuated a lot...and just when I would guarantee it was done, it would rear its ugly head again.  It was a constant source of pain emotionally - seeing that every time you went to the bathroom...awful.  In the insomnia - it is a crazy thing - trauma...I've gone through other traumatic things...but it didn't linger in the sleeplessness like this...I kept seeing his face when I closed my eyes, I had dreams that his still-born delivery was the dream and I was still pregnant, getting ready to deliver him as a healthy, living baby; I had dreams I got pregnant again, etc.  It has mostly stopped at this point...but feeling the subconscious regulate with the conscious...it was very, very stressful and long lasting.

      I haven't lost any weight post partum...none...in fact, I have gained a few pounds.  This is another source of stress...not getting back to any sort of normalcy in my wardrobe or feeling like I'm actually in MY body...I've tried a variety of things - this Monday I'm planning on going much more intentional about my food and 'hard core' if you will - something needs to change, or I need to spend a lot of money on new clothes, cause this just isn't cutting it anymore.  And please don't say "you just had a baby"....I had a baby a year ago...and if I want any more babies, I'm not healthy to start that process...so yes, my weight is a big deal.

These are all normal things as part of still births that no one wants to talk about...you can't sleep, you're depressed, you can't lose weight, you eat to self soothe, you hate your body that it not only failed you and your baby, you don't look or feel remotely attractive....it's a hot mess....

Looking back on the year, it was mostly awful - 2019 can pound sand as far as I'm concerned - but there were bright points - I took an herbalism class that I LOVED...it very much confirmed in me that I want to pursue herbalism as a career...
My friends, family, and customers wrapped me in love, and still do, VERY much so, to this day...I don't know that I've ever felt more love than I have in 2019...from everyone...
Emilia is speaking SO well...she's advanced beyond her years verbally and such a little character full of spunk and emotions.  Samuel is eager to learn all the things - which he does incredibly fast, though I'm often too busy to teach - he's really getting into board gaming with Daniel and I - he still gives the sweetest hugs and he's still huge - 75% for weight and height and healthy as a horse!  They had a wonderful birthday party in November celebrating 3 and 6 years old.  My herbal business is flourishing - my side gig is now my main gig and my main job is still there - I work a LOT these days.

All this to say, I will always be a grieving mother...and this year was my grief year...I need next year to be my hope...my fun...bring joy back...wallowing in grief isn't healthy or happy or hopeful.  Life is just too short for this!  It's so crazy...how one little baby that we only knew 20 weeks, could wreck our whole world...change it for the better, while also devastating it....my empty arms ache for him...there's an empty seat at the table...a child's table where there should have been a bouncer...I often post on my facebook about the shadows of the life that isn't here...I see his shadow everywhere I go...I see his little baby friends...the life he would have had...a bereaved mother will always see their child's shadow.  Always.

With love and ache,
Becca





***photos are somewhat graphic and potentially triggering***







P.S. The pictures of my sweet boy - some are very explicit and untouched...some were done with love and care by a dear photographer friend.  He looked exactly like Samuel...I won't caption them or anything...it's pretty self explanatory.