Oh the tranistions, struggles, and joy of 2024 - a look back and a look forward...

 Can we just take a hot moment to breathe?! My goodness, has 2024 been one of the roughest years of our lives...short summary, with longer explanations following...

A summary of 2024:

-February - I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby was 9w3d)

-Under contract with a house local-ish to us in Fl late spring...

-We stopped going to our local Lutheran church we really liked, and started attending an Anglican church. (we loved BOTH churches but the Anglican suited our needs a little better, and we agree on Anglican theology a touch more)

-June - in county house falls through - too many huge $$$ repairs

-July - get job offer for job in NC, under contract with house in NC

-August - my husband is hit by red-light runner, our beautiful car(VW Atlas, with all the bells and whistles) is totaled, can't get a new loan because of the pending mortgage - my parents help us enormously by securing for us, another vehicle. 

-September - we move to NC with enormous help from our friends and family, I start my new job

-October - we lose internet for a solid month (make sure you read the craziness on that month below!)

-December - our Florida-for-Christmas plans get cancelled, but we have a lovely Christmas in our new home nontheless. 

I will elaborate a bit...

My February miscarriage was absolutely devastating - we were so excited for that baby - we named it Carwen Bay. While we don't know what caused the loss, low progesterone is a possibility. I had it on my radar that if I ever get pregnant again, we would get tested immediately for that and closely monitor it. Tuck that knowledge away for a bit. (I also give away all of our baby and maternity stuff in our future move-so much sadness linked with those items and very little hope of using them again)

We really liked this one house in the north end of the county - it had so much potential and needed a lot of work - but when all was said and done, we simply didn't have the hundred grand it needed, and we'd have no equity in the home for many years at the price they were asking.  We had to let it go... (termites, roof, AC, etc etc...awful!)

We really liked our local Lutheran church(New Hope Lutheran on Hollywood for the Fl locals) - far more traditional service, we liked all the traditions they observed, the pastor and his wife were amazing. The families there were so kind. Our main qualm was that there was no childcare- Edmund being a handful, and me still in my grief, it was just very stressful for us to attend and keep Edmund even remotely respectable. We had Anglican, as a denomination, on our radar for quite some time - think C.S. Lewis...My husband and I love many of his books, and also several other Anglican theologians that he had been reading, so we gave it a whirl(Prince of Peace Anglican in Viera, on Murell near the zoo. Love them! They even sent all three kiddos their own card after we moved here to NC!) - they had childcare for kiddos Edmund's age, as well as children's church for the older kids. They were ALSO super nice, though a bit further of a drive, and we came to really appreciate the Anglican way. There's lots of scripture reading as a congregation, communion every Sunday, lots of singing, but not at all a show, and they stay out of the political sphere as they pray for peace. We have found an Anglican church near-ish to us here in NC(the church is actually in SC!) and love it just as much. Our priest and his wife are wonderful, very welcoming and family friendly, and has a nursery ;) If you are dissatisfied with the modernity and showmanship(and politics, and SIZE) of the modern style churches, highly recommend finding a Lutheran or Anglican church - we have been so thankful for both.

June-Sept- Frustrated with our never ending house search, I broadened the search to other states...and looked for jobs in those states. I was offered two of the four jobs I had interviews with, as well as an offer to be a sub at the one job, should I still end up in that area. So house hunts began, as well as looking into the laws and taxes, etc. of these other states. We landed in North Carolina - 8 hours from Florida, good train and highway access to Fl or the NE US -where I'm originally from, cooler weather, but not harsh...shorter summers, longer fall and spring...we found ourselves about an acre and a half of semi-cleared woods, big fixer upper, with a great basement for Daniel's office and game room, big bedrooms for the kids, and lots of wildlife!  We cannot thank our friends and family enough for the *enormous* effort they all played in this move. We literally have some of the best people in our lives, and we couldn't be more thankful for them....it's a totally selfless thing to help friends move far away from you, and so so many of our friends did so, with a smile on their faces, tears in their eyes, and so much care for our family and our things. Dearest friends, and family, you know who you are, and we cannot thank you all enough.

October was a hard month with no internet....

       -We were still so very new to the area, relying on maps and google searches for darn near everything. We weren't established with our new church yet, we knew next to nothing about our immediate and distant areas....Daniel works from home, via THE INTERNET, so he and all the kids often came with me to work. God bless my boss! and Daniel used an empty classroom or workspace to get his work done more often than not. 

        -Everything that could go wrong, does so, with our property in Florida- the hot water heater leaked, causing drywall damage as well as needing a new hot water heater, and our tenants destroyed our garden with no recompense. Hopefully in due time, if nothing progresses soon, we will be in small claims court with them for damages. So we we bleeding money on that property up until this December....fun times.  

       -In the middle of all of this....I find myself pregnant - quite literally magically. I was well outside of my "window" (if you know, you know)...I do not have any midwives' phone number or any crunchy mom friends, with a very pressing need to get tested for progesterone levels immediately!  Thank goodness there were a few nights I had reasonable service on my phone - through a bit of begging online strangers to add me to a few fb groups, I found a few midwives, one that I picked <3 We got me tested, we saw my progesterone drop, and then got me on a supplement all in a week and a half's time....I'm so proud to say, I'm 13 weeks pregnant as of the end of December <3 Everything looks really good so far as far as labs, ultrasounds, etc, and should all things continue well, in July, BabyH #6 (fourth living baby) would be welcomed to our family! These are the best announcement photos I could muster under the circumstances... LOL!

This is Edmund, somewhat under the weather and not wanting a photo....wearing the same shirt Samuel did when I was pregnant with Emilia <3 

And then December rolls on through - we had a nice visit from my parents, our coffee machine that is quite pricey and not quite 4 years old, dies, and we drink a lot of coffee in this house, especially with my parents here(this wasn't a huge deal, but certainly frustrating when money is already so very tight)...and our plans for Christmas fall through. It just didn't make financial sense to travel so far for only a few days - the kids really wanted to stay here and none of us wanted that drive in a car full of presents and clothes and snacks...Our new vehicle is great on gas, low on trunk space....its very hard to fit all five of us in for a few hour trip, let alone 8 hours plus the additional luggage that comes with Christmastime....We are on the hunt for a larger vehicle that can better accommodate our growing family...If you know of any free or low cost vehicles that comfortably seats 6 -2 adults, 4 kiddos (2 in carseats, one in a booster) that also has good trunk space and also good on gas, we're needing a unicorn like that <3 Asking for a miracle LOL! (another VW Atlas would be great - I loved that car!)

So here we are, heading into 2025 with empty wallets, full hearts of happiness, a yard full of wildlife, and so much hopeful uncertainty! 

If you made it this far, cheers!  You deserve some kind of medal of honor....

I wish nothing but the best for you and your's in this new year!

Becca H.

Favorite ever sourdough pancakes

 I’ve been hunting for the best ever pancakes…I wanna use sourdough, I want them to be like my mom’s, but also my own creation. I want them to be butter and buttermilk, and sourdough and fluffy, and perfect…and cast iron - not non-stick to cook with..

I believe I may have done just that. 

I modified a recipe from Broken Oven Baking…here’s mine:

250g AP flour 

48 g granulated sugar 

2 tsp aluminum-free baking powder (I use Rumford)

1/2 tsp sea salt

2 large eggs

2 tbsp softened or melted (and cooled) butter.

240g sourdough starter- active or discard!

1.25c buttermilk (more if needed to thin it out to desired consistency)

Mix all ingredients together - don’t overmix, room temp ingredients are better, but not necessary. 

Preheat your cast iron pan on low for at least 5 minutes. Make the pancakes on the pan.

Enjoy with butter and maple syrup 😋

Everyone in my family enjoyed these! Even my particular 3 yo :)

It is with great excitement and lots of nervousness...

In January, I posted to Facebook that 2024 was going to be a big year of transition - I didn't exactly understand the depth of that yet, however. 

A brief timeline of 2024:

At that time in January, I was pregnant with Carwen, we were looking to move to Gainesville area of Florida - lots of exciting changes on the horizon. Transitioning to a new Florida county, and to a family of 6, was all that my mind was planning on...

In February, we buried our sweet baby Carwen Bay - gone so soon.  Our housing choices in the Gainesville area continued to narrow, the forecasted drop in interest rates never came...houses held steady or continued to climb in costs.

In late June, after a contract on a local home falling through, I thought about the idea of moving out of state - Daniel and I were desperate for cooler weather, less dense populations, and more distinct seasons(and cheaper houses would be nice!). I started looking for jobs out of state - I landed 4 interviews, 2 of which resulted in job offers.

The latter offer was based out of North Carolina, in an area we already know several people - one of which being Daniel's bff and his family. The weather is more moderate, but still warm, much of the year- we are used to and prefer that, the houses were cheaper with more land, and the job I landed is a nature-based preschool that I can bring Edmund with me!

So I accepted the job offer, we made an offer on a house in the area, which has been accepted - 1.74 acres of land, with a huge, beautiful home!  We will have a lot of adapting to do: to small town life + working mom again, but we are so excited for this new era.

Last week, Daniel was hit by a truck running a red light, he was in our beautiful VW Atlas, which ended up totaled, and threw our world for a loop. We've aligned what we needed to, and are continuing on the original track. Daniel is healing well, and we've secured a vehicle thanks to the good graces of my parents. We will be renting out our Palm Bay home - if you know anyone with a need to rent a 3/2 home in the NE Palm Bay Road area, please let me know! We are closing on our new house August 30th, and plan to be out of our Palm Bay house by Sept 15, but that date can move up earlier. 

We will very much miss our friends and family here - the network of people we have loved for so many years! I've been a Palm Bay resident for the last 15 years - a challenging and beautiful chapter of my life. We are so excited for what the future holds!  Here we go....

....North Carolina bound! 

Christians, are your pearls okay?

Proverbs 19:11 "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense"

      As a born and raised, with Bible degree in hand, Christian....y'all, I'm so tired. I'm so tired of the Christian outrage everytime a secular organization does a secular thing - we become the snowflake, the bully, and morally superior, when it best suits us. We start yelling "God shall not be mocked" out of context, and subsequently hurl insults and degradation every which way until something sticks, like al dente pasta to the wall. 

    Recently, the Paris 2024 Olympics had an opening show with drag that many interpreted as a mockery of the DaVinci Last Supper painting. That narrative didn't make sense to me, so I waited, I decided to be "slow to anger" and not quickly offended, and wait for the situation to flush itself out.  The parts that didn't make sense, were that there was no supper, what was with the big blue guy, the amount of "apostles" was incorrect, and none of the social groupings were the same as the painting...perhaps the satire was lost on my very literal self, but I just didn't get it...As with all symbolism, many cultures and time periods share symbols - a line up of people on a stage doesn't mean it is inherently a Last Supper portrayal (neither is a white horse inherently from Revelation either). In this case, the artistic designer, Thomas Jolly, didn't intend for it to be that way.  What did he intend? Feast of Dionysus/Bacchanalia. A Greek event, riddled with indulgent pleasure, revelry, and just excessive debauchery - so his "art" definitely makes sense in that context. As does the white horse, Sequanna, the Goddess of the Seine - The same Seine river where the entire show took place... Please remember, we are talking about PARIS(a city swimming in centuries of worldly wilds) and the Olympics - you know, the originally Greek event(also historically riddled with millennia of revelry)?! There has been a whirlwind of press and instagram posts that have followed this original writing that I am now editing, but I still hold to my opinion. 

    I didn't care for the show - what little of it that I've seen, mostly photos. I'm not into drag, I'm also kind of a prude, I haven't let my kids watch it at all. We generally don't participate in most things like this - including the Super Bowl. It's overall not my cup of tea. I am not defending or approving of the drag show in any way, shape or form... I'm also not shocked that Paris did such a thing, also not shocked the Olympics were okay with it. 

What I am not okay with, is the *constant* string of Christians on my feed clutching their pearls about the trendiest thing to clutch - a nonsense, secular, high art show, in another country, that they were obviously not the focus group for, that was based in the context of ancient Greek mythology, for an ancient Greek event, held in an ancient European city. Many, MANY other things have done mockups of the Last Supper, including loads of examples in Hollywood: South Park, House M.D., The Sopranos, etc.  and even SNL did a mockup with Trump at a Last Supper portrayal, after one of Trump's remarks likening himself to Jesus....I didn't know any of those existed till I went looking for them, there was absolutely no outrage when those venues did those sacrilegious portrayals, or even the outright blasphemy of Trump likening himself to Christ - total silence in the Christian community, except for when they applauded it...

It gets dicey here, please bear with me...All that said, Christians loooove to be victims - we can't exert our moral superiority when we are doing a-okay...we have to be downtrodden in order to pick ourselves up with our bootstraps. Therefore we fabricate things that aren't actual persecution, in order to rally loyalty and a sense of fight and dignity, while demonizing the humans around us. A few minor examples include: playing cards, Harry Potter, drums, electric guitars, the Starbucks Christmas red cup era 2015, Taylor Swift, Chipotle being owned by a gay man, Netflix donating to the Harris2024 campaign, and on and on it goes. We perpetually SLAM cancel culture, while we promote boycotts at every turn, we make fun of liberals and "safe spaces" yet are aghast when secular Europeans do secular European things...and we demand they stop...and then post about how we are boycotting an entire global event, because of the choices of a few people...denying the honor the athletes are due, because we didn't agree with an opening show...

My heart is so tired of this...

Subsequently, some time after the show, Paris lost electricity for about an hour in some areas, affecting some 125,000 people, but not for very long. The response by many was "God bless" and "that's what you get" and so on and so forth.  That doesn't gleam with grace or promoting Christ, that screams bitter and vengeful.  Christ could have joined in at stoning the Woman at the Well - he had every "right" to do so, but he showed grace, mercy, and compasion, amidst her multitude of sexual exploits...God could have struck the performers down during the show, and did not - chances are, He's not asking you to do so online...

Another major critic told me she is just trying to be salt, to preserve from rot...As someone who is familiar with salt on the molecular level, as well as a multitude of applications in the culinary world - be careful that you don't salt your words into uselessness. Salted fish is indeed preserved from rot - it's also useless and inedible until you chip away that salt and soak it in milk and THEN prepare it to eat...Salt enhances flavor and texture of food...but too much renders the food inedible...be careful with that delicate pinch...

Jesus said Mt. 5:39 "But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also."

Peter said 1 Peter 3:9 "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

2 Thess 1:8 "He will punish those who do not know God and do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus."

Deut 32:35 "It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.”

Mark 11:25 "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Prov. 20:22 "Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you."

Romans 12:18 "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

If your faith rests in Jesus, then be at peace. Stop taking offense at all these things - whether or not they were intended for offense. It simply doesn't matter. If God is sovereign, then we needn't worry about literally anything, nor should you be stirring up strife and vitriol...

My honest and humble opinion, was that the show was far more of a mockery of the peasant class. I very quickly saw it as an extravagant take on the Hunger Games and their Capitol at Panem, where revelry and riches prevail, while the commoner is stifled and supressed. THAT analogy made sense to me, coming from the French, coming from our own much less intense version of the Hunger Games (The Olympics), while we are in the middle of a low-key class war globally...THAT parallel...that is perhaps where your angst and derision should be directed towards...

Wonderful waffles

#sourdough #discard #scratchcoooking

Giving credit where credit is due, I modified this recipe from the original one at The Pantry Mama. I didn’t want to do an overnight activation on my starter, and really felt like waffles this morning for Father’s Day. I found her recipe and modified it a bit, so here’s my version!

Ingredients:

   WET:

200g discard (active starter is also fine!)

2 eggs

180 g buttermilk (or whole milk is fine)

60 g melted butter

    DRY:

150g AP flour

100g granulated maple sugar*

5g salt

12g baking powder 

Mix all the wet ingredients in a bowl. Mix all the dry ingredients in another bowl. Mix them with each other! 

*the maple sugar makes an amazing taste for these waffles, but it isn’t necessary. You could use less sugar, and/or use white, brown, or coconut instead! 

This made about 6.5 big waffles on my Oster from Walmart. Everyone loved them, including my 3 yo who is notoriously picky. We don’t make waffles often, so this was a nice treat! Enjoy! We topped them with maple syrup and butter. 

~I used mostly organic ingredients, largely from Azure Standard that is certainly not required~

Well butter my biscuit!

 I've been asked for a long time for my "favorite biscuit recipe" and to do a tutorial. I know it isn't anything you haven't seen before, but here's my version!

Dry ingredients:

2 cup all purpose flour ($.75 - I use organic all purpose)

1 Tbsp sugar ($.03 - I use organic from BJ's)

1 Tbsp baking powder ($.19 - I use Rumford[non-gmo/aluminum free])

1 tsp salt

Wet ingredients:

1 stick of butter, frozen, grated by hand or food processor - 8 Tbsp ($.88 - I used conventional from BJ's)

1 cup of cold buttermilk - ($.75 - I used Marburger from Walmart)

Total cost of ingredients is $2.60

Preheat oven to 450.

Mix all the dry ingredients together with a whisk.

Grate the frozen stick of butter using a hand grater or food processor. 

Mix with dry ingredients until butter is all covered in flour mixture and broken into bits.

Add the cup of buttermilk and mix until no obvious wet patches of buttermilk remain.

Pour onto clean, flour-dusted surface. Mold into a mound, cut into fours, stack on top of each other. Press on the mound and clean up edges again, cut into fours, stack again. See video for reference. Do this until you have a cohesive dough (2-3 more times - mounding, cutting, stacking, pressing)

Once you have a cohesive dough, roll dough out to about an inch or so thick. Use a biscuit cutter and press up and down - do not twist - and cut your biscuits. Place on a parchment lined baking pan with edges touching each other. Bake for 13-20 minutes or so. Top with butter if desired.

Alternatively, you can add a cup of cheese, a healthy crumble of bacon bits, and spices like chipotle powder, to make a fun smokey biscuit. You can do maple sugar instead, maybe double or triple the amount to make homemade biscuits for "McGriddle" type sandwiches. I've also done them with garlic and cheddar cheese to make knock-off Red Lobster biscuits as well. It's a very versatile recipe. Try to work fast to keep your ingredients cold. Unlike cakes and cookies where coming to room temp is recommended, biscuits are the opposite - the colder the better! You can also put your dry ingredients in the fridge for an hour or so to chill them and the bowl as well.

Enjoy!

How many times can your heart break?

Salty tears

Will they stop?

My face is tight,

Eyes swollen

Nose stuffed up 

How many times can your heart break? How can it it love so much and lose so much and still go on? And still find love? Can you pick up the pieces? Can you find them at all? Any? Some? Just one?

Many of you know I found myself unexpectedly pregnant in early December. I was elated. I love both being pregnant and being a mother - adding to our family of three living children who would most lovingly welcome another baby was nothing short of a miracle, to me. Emilia (7) has be ardently praying for a baby sister for the last 4 years- to be disappointed with Edmund’s sex three years ago, and onward prayed nightly for a sister…

We felt her prayers answered. 

I have yet to deliver a living baby not conceived in February. I have had an early miscarriage from an October pregnancy, a stillborn from an August pregnancy and now a 9 week miscarriage from a December pregnancy. 

Here I am, February 9, just after my 38th birthday. 

Weary. 

Drunk. 

And in my bed in total darkness, praying sleep finds me. 

I cannot do this again.

From the moment I found myself staring at that faint line 9 weeks ago, I started exercising, making sure I took my prenatals, eating enough protein, taking time to rest, and honoring my body with all its needs and cravings and fatigue…

But this was not enough….

Sweet Baby did not stay within me, but gave me such hope and joy that my tired, crusty old and pudgey body was good for something more than bread and cookies - I had a new life within that I loved so much…

But heartbreak remains…

Will I find a piece to glue to another? I dare not. The fear of delivering a dead baby - yet again- the strength within me fails. 

How can I go on? My three beautiful children await my recovery, while I make plans to deliver their dead sibling - so loved, so wanted, so much a miracle of life.

Pieces of My Heart - where do you rest? For rest is not found, not in my heart, and I am not okay…

Baby H#5 - I loved you with my whole soul and heart and couldn’t wait to meet you…to see the joy on your siblings’ faces, your father’s face, as you rest in their arms, his arms…to hold your sweet hands as you learn to walk, to nurse you in your hunger, to love you heart and soul…I’m beyond wrecked and I am not okay…

Give me grace, friends….I will not be okay for some time…

The only things I have of my baby H#5…a photo of its sweet little self, resting within me…

We named this baby Carwen Bay - Carwen means blessed love, and Bay after the fragrant tree…